by

Beryl Beaupre

I had had the "wolf dreams" in the past but I didn't recognize them.  During the last year that I was in the abusive relationship, however, the wolf dreams became clearer, more vivid, and I was able to remember them in detail when I awoke.  Now that I think back, I can see that the dreams were sent in answer to my prayers, to give me courage. 

In the first "wolf" dream, there were wolves outside the door.  One of the wolves broke in and bit me in the face; I could feel my face burn.  That was to get my attention.

In the next dream, I wandered up to an outdoors cosmic study group.  A native elder woman was teaching about the animal legends, pointing out in the panoramic night sky the animal shapes and the constellations . I remember in particular her pointing out the planet  Sirius, the dog star.  She turned to look right at me and asked me if I  had spoken to the wolf.  I was taken by surprise and sheepishly said "no." 

In my next dream, I was outside working in the garden when I  had noticed that the grass was very long.  I thought to myself, "Now I know why we keep the grass cut. It's so the wild animals can't sneak up on us."  At that point, out of the long grass came a huge gray wolf, chained to a smaller and  darker wolf.  I was afraid, but remembered that I was supposed to talk to them so I asked  the wolf what it wanted.  The big gray one put his paws up on my shoulders and asked me to unchain them. I was afraid to reach down and undo them, but I did. Once they were free, they got into all kinds of trouble.  They broke into the pheasant coop, tracked dirt all over my precious carpet in my precious house, and I was upset.  The last part of the dream that I remember was that I was  walking down the road away from the property, away from the mess. 

I had that dream in the fall, and by Dec. 30-31 my husband tied me up and raped me.  I managed to go to town the next day for groceries and took my two children with me.  Once I was in town, I just couldn't go back home.  Instead, I went to a woman's shelter, where I stayed for one month.   It's been four  years 
since I first walked out with my two youngest children. I still have to put up with  my abuser, but at least it's from a distance.  It has made me a stronger person, and I'm free. 

I used to be called a bitch when I stood up for myself, so one of the wolf paintings that I did was a wolf taking a drink, and the reflexion is a woman. My Mom bought me the book "Women Who Run With Wolves," so I think of that painting as "The Bitch," the female wolf, the wild woman within.
 
 

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